AcuMartyr

Welcome to the world of AcuMartyr --- a complicated superhero dedicated to defending acupuncture’s sacred, eternal, and immutable values established by the consensus of our venerable ancestors. Empowered by ancient wisdom, pop-psychology jargon, and new age insight, AcuMartyr communicates only through profound affirmations.

AcuMartyr’s bold unwavering convictions in the face of conflicting evidence, statistics and surveys have made him a legend. There is no needle toting superhero today who is more masterful at invalidating the perspectives of sentient beings. However, you will find that AcuMartyr also struggles with the same darkness and insecurities that all mortals encounter in the world of alternative medicine. On his low self-esteem days, AcuMartyr admirers worldwide are moved by his endless agonizing, self-deprecation and tormented cries for help.

Regardless of his mood, AcuMartyr’s timeless message penetrates through your wei qi and clings to your consciousness like cupping on sore shoulders. So sit back, breathe in this week’s uplifting affirmations, and allow them to circulate through every last meridian.

Today, I have the right to change my patients into whoever I think they should be.

My choices are limited; therefore I must rigidly adhere to the business plan I created years ago in school.

Today I will go out of my way to focus on colleagues who are degrading and cheapening Asian Medicine.

Today I nurture myself by enrolling in a program to earn my third doctoral degree.

As a practitioner of the most mystical medicine on the planet, I have the right to use jargon that intimidates others and alienates me from the rest of civilization.

Today I will suppress my unrelenting self-doubts and pretend that everyone is jealous of my skills and keen intuition.

Today, I honor my need to monogram my collection of neatly pressed white lab coats.

I affirm my God-given right to trust no one who charges on a sliding scale.

Today, I celebrate the insurance industry and its mystical ability to make me a whole person.

Judging those who treat on smelly second-hand recliners fills me with a sense of well-being.

I will begin my day by remembering that I used to be a lot younger, more energetic, and optimistic.

Today I will connect with an especially needy patient so that I can fulfill my yearning to be needed.

And finally, AcuMartyr concludes with a timely and uplifting affirmation to carry us through the deep snows of February...

Of all the seasons, winter best symbolizes my practice this week—frozen and shriveled.

This story was posted on February 19 2010 by AcuMartyr.
Tags: humor

Comments

  • February 19 2010 at 1:41 PM
    Guest writes:

    thanks

    Acu martyr…very glad to see your new blog and looking forward to more in the future.  we need defenders of the profession like you…our current guild defenders to a good job, but they don’t have superhero powers..i look forward to seeing how you transcend the A/OM world…

      0 likes
  • February 19 2010 at 5:36 PM
    Guest writes:

    AcuMartyr I want to add my

    AcuMartyr I want to add my own personal affirmation that I will some day quit my day job and join the ranks of full realized practitioners like you.
    Thank you for this (sniff*sob*)

      0 likes
  • February 19 2010 at 7:21 PM
    Lisafer writes:

    AcuMartyr

    why haven’t I seen you out on the CEU circuit yet? You have a bright, bright future!

      0 likes
  • February 20 2010 at 9:32 AM
    Nora writes:

    Thanks, Acumartyr.

    I feel better already.  Here’s another one:

    Today, I remind myself (and others) that politics has nothing to do with medicine.

      0 likes
  • February 20 2010 at 11:00 AM
    ellengrover writes:

    I know

    I would pay lots of money just to be in your magical presence, AcuMartyr.   So inspiring!!  Thank you!!

      0 likes
  • February 21 2010 at 11:29 AM
    mitylene writes:

    Could we worship your awesomeness by…

    designing a super hero costume worthy of your magnificent presence? because that would be really awesome…ahem…I mean fitting for a person of your stature 

      0 likes
  • February 22 2010 at 2:01 AM
    obnicole writes:

    thanks acu martyr… you

    thanks acu martyr… you have helped to keep me on task, on focus, looking at me.

     

      0 likes
  • February 28 2010 at 1:10 AM
    Guest writes:

    LMAO

    I must have needed a good laugh.  Thx.

      0 likes
  • June 29 2010 at 8:45 PM
    DerekD writes:

    Ha ha.

    Love it. Perhaps AcuMartyr and I are refugees from the same planet.

      0 likes

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