Too Much All The Time: Ask Uncle Andy

Thanks to all who wrote with great hiring questions, to share difficult circumstances (not fit for this blog, unfortunately) and to ask for a bit of clinic space-searching advice.  I loved hearing from you all.

This question is submitted by a reader in Sioux Falls, Iowa and hit home.

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Dear Uncle Andy,

My partner has been bothered that I’m not able to leave work behind.  It’s true the amount of time I spend at work and talking about work when I am home is causing a rift between us.  

I don’t want work to overwhelm my sweetie, but also realistically need to share in my days - and fear losing his support too.

How do I handle this?

Mrs. Gedge

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Dear Mrs. Gedge,

You are not alone in this quandary - be very clear about this.  I’ve spoken to many full-time punks and clinic-owners who struggle with Clinic Creep. I know I do too.  It can put a real strain on important relationships, for sure.

Here are some things that might help.

First, my advice to is clearly validate his frustration, without being defensive or offering explanation.

Next is to come up with some in-game adjustments.

I’ve found it is important to be aware of where the line is between sharing Clinic Life and offering too much of it.  Take solace in that this line will be crossed!  Anyone can make a mistake. Just make sure to acknowledge when you do cross it to the most interested parties.  I've found that goes a long way.

The key I think is to understand what amount of loving attention is needed for each of your beloveds; your Sweetie and the Clinic Entity.   Don’t be surprised to find yourself becoming the de facto negotiator between the two.  Listen to each.  Carefully.  Listen much more than you talk.  Don’t offer excuses.  Acknowledge what feels true.  Think about what it is that you want to happen in this situation.  Lean on your POCA confidentes.  Ask for a few minutes of their time.  We are all in this together, truly.  

Once clear, describe the changes you’d be able to make for each.  Then negotiate.  Hopefully agreements are struck with each feeling great appreciation for the other two.  

Expect to return to the negotiating table every so often. This isn’t a defeat or sign of failure as much as it might feel that way from time to time. I prefer to think of it as simply staying in the game and making needed adjustments.  Remember that line that I mentioned is fluid. The key is to keep communicating.

 

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Keep your questions coming.... email to:  AskUncleAndy@pocacoop.com

This story was posted on April 19 2016 by andy wegman.

Comments

  • April 19 2016 at 3:07 PM
    Lisa B. writes:

    This is so real. I definitely feel as if I’m in a poly relationship with the clinic entity & my human partner.

      3 likes
  • April 19 2016 at 9:55 PM
    gregj writes:

    Excellent.  Thanks for this.

      2 likes
  • April 20 2016 at 3:29 PM
    Spartacus writes:

    Looking forward to more of these, Uncle Andy!

      1 likes
    • andy wegman

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